speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
