Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I am midnight drunk by noon
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
