talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
