Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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