Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
