WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
