i don't plan on having that self control this summer
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
