Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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