seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
