they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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