Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
There r osticjed everywhere
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
