I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
