Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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