I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
