Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
