Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
