Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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