Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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