the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
