This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
