Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
