So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
