so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize