Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
