Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
