can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
