and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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