Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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