So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
