Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
