Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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