Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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