u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
