Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
