Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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