Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
