it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
