i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
