do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
