Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Your penis caused this!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
