My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
