a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
