VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
