she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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