Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
