Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize