Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
