we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
