Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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