she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
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