I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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