You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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