Umm I'm too high to move.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
