Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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